The Story of 5 Hairdryers

It’s 2021!!! Normally, my first post of the year would be about planning for the new year…resolutions, word of the year, design down planning, goal setting, and so on. But this year, I’ve been planning for the new year since November! Maybe because it was such a horrible year! I hired a business coach this year and we started planning early. I am so excited for what this year is going to bring me and my family!

My Favorite Goal Planner for 2021 CLICK HERE

But this post is not about planning, it’s about reflecting. One thing that I did differently this year to plan for next year is first reflect on what went right and what went wrong in 2020. Surprisingly, a lot went right. It certainly didn’t turn out the way I expected or wished, but we really did get a lot accomplished as a family and a business. That leads me to the story of the 5 hairdryers.

One item that always ends up on our to-do list or family goals or inner work is to be better at communication. I have discovered through my crazy life that it is really the centrifuge of everything. Running a family, a marriage or a business is all about how you communicate with people. The ONLY way we get what we want out of any relationship is if we first tell them WHAT WE WANT. (Read that again.) We can tell our children to clean their room, but if we have never told them what “clean” means to us, how can they satisfy our request? If we get joy out of random gifts or surprises, our significant other doesn’t know to do those things if we never tell them that brings us joy. It may be most important in business. Ever take a position that comes without direction? Like there is no job description that tells you exactly what you are expected to do. Then you get in trouble for not doing something that you had no idea you were responsible for doing. It happens in small businesses all the time. Without communicating with someone what you need, want, or expect there is little chance that the other person will get it right.

But there is another side!! Communication is not a one way street. It has to go both directions. If you never LISTEN to what the other person needs, wants, or expects, you will never make them happy. Again, apply this to your children, your significant other, and your business. When hubby tells me he needs time with the boys, I have to respect when he takes that time.

What about the holidays? Do you ask people what they want and then get them something totally different? A lack of communication is what lead us to the story of 5 hairdryers.

I am a planner. The people in my life should know this about me. I have conversations with everyone about what you want for holidays, what we are doing when, and how we are doing it. I actually get a lot of joy out of planning. So for the holidays, I plan very carefully what to get each and every person on my Christmas list. My children are no exception, maybe even more so. They have too many things, in my opinion, so Christmas for me needs to be very deliberate. I saw an idea one time about getting them one item for each category…clothes, books, music, toys, activities. For years, communicating with their father about what he was getting and I was getting made me crazy because it became a competition of whose presents were better and he never stuck to what he said. I gave that up last year, and just focused on what they had here. This year, no matter how hard I tried, there was a breakdown in communication somewhere between my husband and I about what we were getting the girls. I had my list (on paper) and he had his list (in his head). I never really understood why there were two. Maybe earlier communication could have solved that. No where on either of those lists were hairdryers. On Christmas Eve as we are wrapping the last of the presents we realize, he has bought 2 hairdryers and I had bought another. There are only 2 bathrooms in our house. No one needs a personal hairdryer in their room. We only NEED 2 hairdryers. But now, because neither of us communicated the gift of a hairdryer with the other, we have 5. The quasi-minimalist in me cringes at the excess, not to mention the over-spending.

As the conductor says at the end of Polar Express, “lesson learned”! I try to communicate. I feel like I tell people things. I can’t fix how they listen, so maybe I need to fix how I tell them. This idea goes for all the important areas of my life, my hubby, my girls, and my business. Let me digress for a minute about kids. They are not adults. They are kids. We can expect them to know how to behave, or what satisfies us in terms of “good” behavior and “good” decisions. But if you never tell them that drinking underage is unacceptable or that smoking marijuana is not allowed, how are they supposed to know, especially if they see people around them doing those very things. Don’t ASSUME your children know your rules and boundaries just because they came from you. They are individual human beings with their own thoughts, decisions, ideas, and minds. What seems like common sense to our adult brains may not have made it past the hormones of their adolescent one. You do not control those things, though you have the power to manipulate those with the right communication. But refusing to communicate with people, simply because they should already know it, just leaves more room for trouble. So, for 2021, more direct communication, maybe even written, typed, messaged, emailed, or texted. No assuming the ones around me can read my mind or just know what I’m doing and why.

Communication really is the key to almost any situation. It’s a skill that has to be learned and taught. Being open and transparent can be scary. But choosing not to can put a relationship at risk. I choose this year to value my relationship with those around me over protecting my pitiful pride.