You do not control everything; just the story!

by southerngirlweb

My best friend once called me a control freak. I argued with her over and over. But, it was true. I think it was because I always believed I was in control of what happened to me. When bad things happened it was my fault. It took a lot of blame, guilt and shame to understand that is not the case. We do not have control over everything that happens to us, but we may be able to control the effect that event has on the rest of our lives.

Take time to make real lemonade! Here’s my favorite recipe: https://pin.it/5NRCF9F

My mother always called it “making lemonade”. Life hands you lemons and you make lemonade! I cannot begin to explain the amount of lemonade I have made in my life (literally and figuratively). I had a realization the other day that my amount of lemonade is likely no different to anyone else’s. Even those who are seemingly #blessed have faced a fair share of disappointment. We CANNOT grow as fast from success as we can from failure. If you were handed everything that you thought you needed at the time, where would you be today? Think about it! I would have 5 children with my first husband! Insert eye roll emoji (which is by far my favorite)!

Whatever you have today, let it fuel your future story. Maybe it needs to create your right-now story. We do NOT control this pandemic. We do NOT control stay at home orders or toilet paper shortages. We DO control what we do! We have power to use our time at home for good. Most importantly, we DO control what our mind creates during this time. Do you know that 77% of your thoughts in a day are negative? Here are a couple of tips to help you deal with the things you do not control:

MAKE A PLAN If you need a schedule to maintain sanity, make it! But if you just need a “Here’s what we are doing today,” that’s okay too. But allow yourself the freedom to change it or break it!

FIND PROJECTS Not like mowing the grass, but now is the time to do things you never had time to do before. Make them lofty goals and major endeavors. We have plenty of time.

GO OUTSIDE Sunshine is the only real source of Vitamin D…and that helps your immune system. Period.

REST What a great time to get 8 hours of sleep a day! Your immune system needs that. Your brain needs that. Your mood needs that. But make sure you have a time to get up.

EXERCISE There are tons of online exercise options right now! Many trainers, dancers, gyms, equipment manufacturers are offering free sessions. Search YouTube and the internet! My faves…The Journey Junkie, Yoga Girl, CLI Studios, Twitch and Allison Holker.

COOK Food fuels your body! Do you have a favorite food that you can’t get right now? Have you always wanted to master some recipe? I’ve always wanted to master making bread!

INTERACT Call people! Write letters! FaceTime! Zoom! Send smoke signals! Something! Humans require interaction…we are social beings, so find a way to talk to someone about something somehow.

I did not control or create the abuse I suffered during 2 marriages. I did not cause the financial hardship my family has always endured. I was never able to alter the way men objectified and treated me. There is no way to take power over the senseless deaths and injuries suffered by my friends and family. I DID control the ability to walk away from abusers. I CREATED financial security for my family. I LEARNED that the objectification was the reason for 2 abusive marriages, not my inabilities to commit or judge people. I FIND spiritual solace in the memories of the ones I’ve loved that no longer exist on this earth. The point is that none of these things made me a worse person, they made me better!

Life • new construction • real estate • February 17, 2020

What puts the heart in HOME?

by southerngirlweb

What makes you just absolutely love your home? Maybe, what makes you absolutely not love your home? And I can’t tell you what it is, no matter how many real estate, listing specialist, continuing education courses I sit through. There are market trends, but your home is and should be just as personal as you are. It’s kind of like the genie in Aladdin…”I can’t make anybody fall in love!”

Once upon a time, the magic word was curb appeal. The way the home looked from the street was what sellers spent money fixing up in order to get top dollar for their home. But what if you plant holly bushes by your door and the seller is allergic to them? That money was not well spent. An absolute must that you can’t argue your way out of is that it MUST be clean and polished. The grass is cut, the bushes trimmed, the trash removed, and the house looks clean. Even if that means you should hire a professional service to do those tasks. It will not sell for top dollar if it is dirty!

Interior choices are equally up to your opinion. Do you need to paint over the orange dining room? Not necessarily! If you can do it inexpensively, then by all means, get that nasty color off the wall! But if it’s not in your budget or your mental capacity, for that matter, then it will be okay. Do you need to take down all your family photos? That depends on if they all look neat and tastefully set out. I like to discuss showing on a case-by-case basis. It’s much more about being neat and tidy than it is about being blank and generic.

As far as what really makes you love your home…

For some it may be location. Being close to where you work lowers your stressful commute. Being close to family regardless of where you work can increase your happiness. Being close to your favorite place to visit, walk, eat, etc. can also increase your happiness. Maybe it is the things in your home that make you love it. Spending valuable, intentional time choosing the furniture surrounding you can increase your comfort, even if a floor plan is not exactly what you had hoped. Hiring a designer, like my hubby, to create the environment you desire can increase your happiness, whether through color, comfort, or lay out.

Or could it be the people/things in it? Living in a home with people or animals (or even plants) can really increase your ability to feel comfort. Sometimes, as with my own kids, it momentarily increases your stress! But over the course of time and adjustment, the act of understanding that people, even little ones, have their own space, deserve the respect of that space, and contribute to the energy in that space can significantly increase that amount of joy and positive energy contained in the space. Even animals and plants create an energy that can be positive or positively draining. The energy in your home is controlled by you. Creating a positive energy may require some work, but there is always a way!

Home is where your heart is! That might mean your family or it might mean your plant or it might mean your prized possession.What I am entranced with is how it means something different for every family. I truly value that individual ness of every persons definition of home. As humans, we are so different from the next, and yet so very much the same. We all search for comfort and happiness. It is the definition of those that truly change on a person to person basis. Whether it is the outside, the inside, the people, the animals, the objects or the simple existence, something about HOME should bring you JOY.

Life • new construction • real estate • February 1, 2020

New Builds

by southerngirlweb

There are so many options in real estate. I got into this business to help people find what I found! A home – not just a house. My home is part of what I saw as a movement called homesteading. More families are looking for pieces of land to build their own home and live a little more sustainably. Whether that means a little space for your own chickens to have a supply of eggs, or acres to grow your own produce, there is a trend to find land and build. I have enough construction and building experience to be at least dangerous! I spent 5 years in an electrical contracting company and have already built one home in my lifetime.

New Construction projects can be intimidating!

Now I am on the cusp of doing that crazy stuff all over again! Five years ago I bought 7 acres in Lincoln county that we call The Dove’s Nest Farm. Our intention has always been to build a house on the back acre, in the woods. My husband and I are in the new planning stages of making that happen. A lot of clients and potential clients think they want to build. What does that mean for us? So I’m learning by doing.

We’ve done the easy part! We have the land. We’ve designed the house, inside and out. We have a budget and an idea of timing. Now comes the hard stuff. We want to general contract it ourselves. One, because that’s what I do on so many levels, but two, because there is so much of it we want to do on our own. I want to search for the door pulls on my kitchen cabinets from antique stores. I want my appliances to be a certain way. I want to build a detached garage for cash instead of rolling it into a loan. I want to purchase a lot of things for cash during the construction. All of these “sweat equity” types of options makes me yearn to do it myself, which is definitely my Modus Operands. But I have learned that finding financial help for self contracting is very tricky. It may have to be a commercial loan, and I have no idea what that means.

So many decisions need to be made…so many pieces to follow! Hire an agent to help you!

But clients do not have to be so hands on! There are MANY builders out there that can help. It really comes down to two aspects, Location and Design. Builders are only different in the land that they acquire and the design of the homes they produce. A client looking for a new home in a particular part of the surrounding areas of Charlotte has virtually 20 options to choose from just in selecting a builder. My suggestion is to make your decision on builder based on what is most important to you. When you list the things that are important to your new home, look for a builder that can solve numbers one through three. If location is most important, search for builders with established or new neighborhoods in that area. If the acreage is most important, search for builders that traditionally offer larger lots. If design is most important, look at floor plans first.

Let’s say that you are just adamantly against living in a neighborhood. We can solve that problem as well! Or if you want a lot larger than most neighborhoods offer; we can easily solve that problem. It’s a custom build. But understand that custom build does not have to mean fancy and expensive. My first build was a custom home for around $300K. This new one will be much lower at only $150K. Those are financed amounts. The value of the property after build was and will be significantly higher, due to the hard work that we will put into it. If you want custom build without lifting a finger, those options are out there too. There are some amazing builders around Charlotte that I have the privilege of knowing!

No matter what is on your list of important things, hire an agent! Even if you are building custom, an AGENT can guide you through the entire process as your advocate. We explain things like contractors can’t while we protect your interests, and money. There are a few agents, like myself, who have experience in new builds. Either way, it is likely more experience that the client has in new construction. Best of all, the agent is paid by the builder!! That’s right! IF you start the process with your agent, the builder will cover their fee…because that is how helpful and important they can be to your happiness!

I feel like this is a wave of the future. I know this is the wave of MY future…one because that’s what we are doing on the farm, but also because that is what we want to do as a realtor and designer power couple! Looking forward to helping people all around (and in) Charlotte build whatever makes them feel at home!

Life • real estate • November 10, 2019

The Art of Being Thankful

by southerngirlweb

It is literally my favorite time of year!! Other people like other holidays, but I love Thanksgiving. What could be better than a whole day dedicated to food, family, and being thankful. I love planning that big meal. It is fun for me to strategize how to cook for two or three days. I get immense joy from making everything and having everyone in my home. But the best part of the season is forcing people to be thankful.

https://nirofeliciano.com/its-not-happy-people-who-are-thankful-it-is-thankful-people-who-are-happy/ — Are you happy?

This is something I do everyday. My prayers start with “Thank you”. I start my day with writing 2 thank you notes. But it isn’t a skill that humans innately have. I have discovered this over the last few years with my children. Every year I come up with some weird way to force them to express their thankfulness. We have had thankful baskets, thankful trees and thank you lists. It’s all the same idea. The girls have to right down things that they are thankful for. When they are young, the answers are hilarious, but as they age, they have become more generic. More surprisingly, people look at me like I’m crazy when I tell them we do these things, because they do not with their own children. So why is it that people have such a hard time being genuinely thankful?

The idea of having a thankful heart has been discussed in many publications. I realized it as a business practice while reading Larry Kendall’s Ninja Selling. It follows this concept that putting positive energy into the universe will yield you good results. I have been through and steeped in enough negative energy to never want to feel that power again. The concept spoke to a part of my “hippy-dippy” soul that believes there is good in the world. Furthermore, speaking that good outloud conceals some of the ugliness. Take the way you get news on a daily basis. If it is just from the evening news shows, it may be only the bad stuff. That leaves you with a negative feeling about the world. These shows have picked up on that idea and usually include a careful balance of feel-good stories and happy endings.

Don’t be fooled. This is not an easy practice, in life or in business. Real Estate is tough! My favorite Superior School of Real Estate instructor has a saying, “Rule #1, People Suck”. It may sound counter to the argument of putting positive energy out, but it’s really not. It gives me permission to accept that real estate agents do not follow the rules, and clients can be treacherous. I have had numerous “friends” in the last year and a half of this career tell me that they wanted me to sell their house, only to turn around and list it with another agent or sell it by themselves. I get personally offended, because this is how I feed my family! But if I remember that “People Suck”, it becomes less personal. I don’t suck! I am great at this! I take great care of my clients, do everything in my power to represent them, know all the ins and outs of the process, and have a great team to help us. I have to force myself in those situations to be thankful for the experience. Thank you, friend of 20+ years, for selling your home through another agent and not answering when I asked why! You taught me that I shouldn’t give out free information or count on anything until it is in writing. Thank you, former boarder at my barn, for selling your home to some guy off the street for dirt cheap because you didn’t want to clean it! You taught me that I need to think outside of the box when discussing solutions to clients problems. And all of these situations have taught me that just assuming something will happen will not pay my car payment, so I have to make these things happen, or in these cases, make other things happen. With my thankful mindset, I can appreciate the lesson and heal from the knifing stabbing in my back.

Maybe it sounds too kumbaya for most people. But being thankful is literally the thing that saves my mind from all the anger, hatred, and darkness in society. I choose not to deal with and dwell on that. I choose to focus on the light. There is good in everything. If I spend time taking a bad experience and finding the lesson or the good in it, it is still a bad experience and I still can’t pay the car payment, but I can focus my energy on something that will. If I force my teenagers to do dorky exercises trying to find the things in life they have to be thankful for, maybe they will grow up with an introspective soul. So when their friends stab them in the back, they can learn and grow instead of shrink and hide. Introspection is the key to change. Whether you want to change yourself or the world, you must have the ability to look inside of something, separate the good from the bad, and choose which one to focus on.

real estate • September 22, 2019

Is NOW a Good Time?

by southerngirlweb

“When is the right time to sell?”

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that one!

And my answer is often the same. “Right freaking now!” Because, you know, I wanna sell houses! But if I have to be completely honest with you and share some super real estate agent secrets, the true answer is “When you are absolutely ready!”

This business is not for the faint of heart! I have seen $325K homes in Gastonia go under contract in 2 hours. Which is fishy…no way someone viewed that home, wrote a contract, got it to the seller, got signed and returned to the agent in that amount of time. I would wager money on it being held for private showing, which is completely illegal…Zillow! Anyway, I have also seen properties sit on the market for a year without one single offer simply because…wait, I have literally no idea why! Sometimes there is no good reason. Many agents will tell you it’s about price, but sometimes it is not.

So if you are considering putting your home on the market here are some REAL tips for what to do…

#1 – Find an Agent – Don’t try to navigate this chaos on your own! If you pay $5 for coffee or $20 for someone to wash your car, this is the least of your worries. For-Sale-By-Owners do sell, but it statistically will take longer, require you to have knowledge of real estate law, and you traditionally end up accepting less for your home. Commission Structures in North Carolina are NOT regulated by the Real Estate Commission. We aren’t even allowed to call it an “industry norm”. If you want professional pictures, arial coverage, and open houses every day, then you are going to pay for it. If you just want me to put the house on the market and hope like hell it sells, there’s a package for that as well. What other business do you get to pay at the end of a successful 1 – 3 months work?

#2 – Find an Agent You Like – I promise you, as an agent, it is so much easier to explain things to people you like. And to receive constructive criticism. If you like your agent you will know that what she is telling you is the truth. You are the client, at the end of the day, and can make your own mistakes, I mean decisions, but you will appreciate their opinion much more if you absolutely like them.

#3 – Be Ready – When your listing goes live, be ready! If you are in the sweet spot in terms of price or a popular location, be prepared that people will want to see it immediately. There are great techniques that agents can use to build interest, like Coming Soon listings, so make sure that you are ready to show it when it goes live. A good agent will walk you through what that might mean for your home…cleaning up clutter, putting away valuables, what to do with pets, putting personal items away, staging, cleaning, etc.

#4 – Be Flexible – You have to let people view and peek through some intimate parts of your life. Using an agent and the tools we have at our disposal makes the process smooth and safe. We can organize things to fit your schedule and lifestyle. I make it a priority to cater to my clients needs when it comes to schedule. If someone wants to see your house, they will work with your schedule. But people are going to get frustrated if they can’t get to see the home when they want to.

#5 – Clean and Bright – You DO NOT have to redecorate or move things out. You DO have to make the rooms, and maybe even closets, clean and bright. That means cleaning dirty areas, even walls and floors. That means decluttering entry ways, hallways, and laundry rooms. That also might mean changing lightbulbs to brighten the room, placing lamps in certain dark areas, or opening blinds to let in sunlight. Best case scenario is to make a quick run-through of your home before the showing to turn on lights, put out flyers or waters, and pick up clutter. If there is an opportunity that people will want to view your home before you get home from work, create a plan to make it the best viewing possible. Keep an empty laundry basket by the door to collect things scattered through the house on your way out. And, yes, there is a package for me to do all of that as well.

The market that I work in, homes sell super fast because we have so few homes on the market. There are way more buyers than they are sellers. And many buyers are willing to make concessions that you may not expect in order for you to accept their offer. So just because the summer is over, doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to get exactly what you want out of selling your home. Assuming, of course, that you hire the right agent!

real estate • November 30, 2018

Open House Blues

by southerngirlweb

The Real Estate world is split on the Open House debate! Who knew? Before I got into the industry, not me! Probably like most of America, I just assumed that was part of the job. Then I heard horror stories of sitting in an empty house for hours and nobody showing up. I thought, “but you see those signs all the time.” About two months ago I got my first listing client and discovered first hand the debate on open houses. After hosting a few for my listing, as well as some in my area for other agents, I have made a few executive decisions.

Decision #1 – Open Houses are for the client’s benefit. And I don’t mean because their house is going to sell on that day. I mean that it makes them feel like you are earning the money they will pay you when their house sells. Literally every client has a hard time with paying an agent that percentage of the sale. Everybody wants a deal today. They don’t understand the amount of hours it takes you to gather all of the required information and enter it into the Listing Service. But when you hold an open house, they can physically see you doing work. So if it makes my clients feel like I’m earning the money that I deserve, then so be it.

Decision #2 – Planning is helpful. It may only last three hours, but so does a toddler’s birthday party. And they are about as equally important (and draining). So with all the pieces and elements and moving parts, I have to plan the best way to use it. Instead of flying by the seat of my pants, like I did for the first few Open Houses, I decided to sit down and plan each one like all the events I had ever planned in the past…Budget, Food, Invites, Activities. It may just be my slight obsessive compulsiveness, but thinking about things ahead of time gives me the ability to execute them more effectively.

Decision #3 – Marketing is key. Once I know what I am going to do, when, where, and why, I can create a marketing strategy. I like to pick three ways…because if you’ve read any of my other posts, good things come in three’s…and I like to vary those three ways depending on the market I’m in and the client I’m working for. I’m a huge fan of social media advertising, so I usually start there. If the house is in a neighborhood, I like to use signs and flyers. There are tons of options and budget can very easily be the deciding factor.

Decision #4 – It is not a waste of time. When you are sitting alone in a house for 3 hours, it may certainly feel like it’s a waste. But it is not. I have chosen to make valuable use of that time. I shoot videos, take pictures, plan my week, create social media posts, anything that is work related that can be interrupted in the event some human actually shows up. At my last Open House that only human was a mortgage lender trying to solicit my referrals, but it was a human.

To date, I have hosted 6 open houses. None of which have been hugely successful. But I can see the potential. And as my process improves, so can my success. After all, you can’t be successful at something if you don’t actually do it.

real estate • August 17, 2018

The Adventure of Showing Homes

by southerngirlweb

Y’all this market is crazy! I have a friend currently preparing a home to sell on the complete other side of the country, and she is seeing the same thing. Homes are going on the market one day at a high list price and selling the next day after multiple offers for well over that already high list price. Because of the chaos, interest rates are rising to adjust the market, making it more difficult to get loans and taking away some of the demand. But that virtual guarantee that you are going to sell your home in, what recently market averages have calculated, less than 30 days, does not give you permission to slack off in the presentation of your most valuable asset.

Since getting my real estate license and showing a few homes, I have seen some things that would make you blush or vomit. In one instance I was showing a home that was currently being rented by a tenant. That is a difficult thing to do. Our laws in NC are very specific about not disturbing tenants. But with proper notification, it is possible. However, after this experience, maybe it shouldn’t be. The home was an absolute wreck. huge stains on the carpet, some liquid substance spilled down the wall, dust 2 inches thick on doors and baseboards, trash and dirty clothes in the floor, but my favorite was the pornographic statues on display atop the bar in the kitchen. Needless to say, we got out of there pretty quick.

I have often wondered if the tenant of that property did it on purpose. Maybe he didn’t want the owner to sell the house. So if he destroyed it no one would buy it. And as a property manager or owner, that has to be a difficult thing to police. But if you are listing the house for sell on the market, it should be your duty to make sure it is showable. I can assure you that I thought worse of the listing agent than I did the owner or the tenant. That is the name you see associated with the property in MLS.

When you place a home on the market, even in this crazy time, you have to take a few steps to prepare. Here’s a list of things to consider before you open your doors to agents and potential buyers:

CLEAN – It may be beneficial to hire a cleaning service to do a thorough job to begin with so you can simply maintain. Consider floors, baseboards, ceilings, windows and doors.
DE-CLUTTER – I don’t believe you need to take all of your personal items out of the home. BUT I firmly think counter tops and tables should be empty. Take a laundry basket and collect everything on top of a surface into the basket. When the showing is over, you can put it all back. Some people are emotional bothered by clutter. Clean and Clear is the safest way to go.
OPEN – Make sure there is a way to get into all of the spaces of the home. If there are outbuildings, they should be accessible either by a key or already unlocked. If there are storage spaces, they should be accessible. It is not a bad idea to leave instructions about how to access those space, either through the showing software or just a little note. Potential buyers want to see storage spaces.
SAFETY – There are stories everyday of real estate agents being put in scary situations. Demand that your listing agent use the appropriate tools to keep people safe. State Real Estate organizations offer showing scheduling software that tracks who is in your home and when. Lock boxes that use Bluetooth technology instead of a four digit combo make sure only agents with the same respect for safety aceess your property while tracking who came and went and when. The dues to these organization and the cost of equipment are not cheap, but if the public demands it, agents and open homes will be safer all around.
WELCOMING – Do something a little above and beyond to welcome your guests. Agents always do crazy, fancy things at open houses, but not during regular showing times. Why not? Putting some brochures and a couple bottles of water on the counter you just cleared as you leave might make a substantial difference in the offers you receive.

I tell potential buyers every day that you have to see a house in person to truly get an understanding of it. It doesn’t matter how much money your agent spends on pictures, videos, brochures, talking houses or advertising. Until a person walks in the space, they will not be able to decide if this is the right home for them.